Your Sports Kids Could Be Targets by Dr. Patrick Cohn

Thursday, May 20, 2010 ·

Your sports kids could be the targets of intimidation, harassment, exclusion, physical aggression and other forms of bullying—from athletes and/or coaches. And you might not even know it.

Why? Often, young athletes’ first reaction to being treated this way is shame, says Mark Hamilton, a professor of philosophy who teaches college courses in sports ethics at Ashland University.

Sports kids are embarrassed to talk about such treatment.

As a former college player and coach, a youth sports coach, and sports parent, Hamilton knows what he’s talking about. Read on to learn how to protect your kids and combat the bullying epidemic in sports.

Bullied sports kids feel as if they are guilty of something and actually caused kids to treat them badly, says Hamilton. “Victims often feel like it’s their fault and there’s something wrong with them.”

Hamilton saw the negative effects of bullying early on when his brother was ridiculed and pushed out of sports. Bullying in sports, he says, can be devastating.

In the least, harassment, intimidation and other forms of bullying will sink kids’ confidence and hurt their success and enjoyment of sports. At its worst, these aggressive behaviors can cause young athletes to drop out of sports and to feel depressed.

“They’ll want to quit the sport,” says Hamilton. Parents will often feel confused, and think their kids are wimping out, he says. That’s because kids are often too embarrassed to explain what’s happening to them on the court or field or in the gym.

All kinds of sports kids can be the targets of bullies….

1. Gifted athletes are often targeted because others are jealous.
2. Kids who are smaller and less physically advanced also can become the focus of bullies.
3. When kids are competing for a ladder position on a team, bullying is also common.

This behavior is rampant among both girls and boys.

What’s the solution?

Hamilton says parents need to be especially tuned into the possibility that their kids might be bullied. That means talking about it openly and establishing a family culture that encourages kids to talk about such treatment. But that’s not all. We need a revolution, he says. And everyone should be involved.

“The first step is revolutionize sports and teach people it’s unacceptable from player to player and coach to athlete and from coach or parent or any other person involved– including the officials,” he says.

Here at the Ultimate Sports Parent, we want to join the revolution and help wipe out bullying in sports. That’s why we’re about to release a new program:

“Helping Sports Kids Stay Confident and Mentally Tough in the Face of Bullying.”

We’ll have all the details for you on Monday, May 24, when we release our new program. Stay tuned….

Why do sports kids bully? by Lisa Cohn and Patrick Cohn, Ph.D.

(Video link of discussion provided in links section of this blog)

Judging from the many emails and comments we've received from
sports parents and coaches lately, bullying is an important
topic to you.

It should be. Bullying is rampant in sports--and kids don't like
to talk about it.

We just produced a new video on bullying for you. Whether you're
a sports parent concerned about how your kids are treated in
sports, or a coach who want what's best for your young athletes,
you need to watch this.

Today we're sharing an interview with Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D., a
psychologist with 25 years' experience and the author of "Why
Good Kids Act Cruel.”

In this interview--conducted by Lisa Cohn--Dr. Pickhardt explains
why kids bully and what issues make bullying worse. He reveals:

--> The five most typical bullying behaviors.

--> The developmental issues that cause kids to treat each other
badly—even when they're good kids.

--> What kids are looking for when they try to hurt each other.

--> When and how bullying behavior improves.

--> The critical role of coaches in either preventing or
exacerbating bullying in sports.

To see our video based on Lisa's interview with Dr. Pickhardt,
watch it on our blog:

http://youthsportspsychology.com/youth_sports_psychology_blog/?p=627

Sincerely,

Lisa Cohn and Patrick Cohn, Ph.D.

P.S. Thanks so much for all your emails and blog entries, which
we're incorporating into new resources aimed at fighting
bullying in sports.

If you have more to add to the conversation, please return this
email or post your anonymous comment on our blog:

http://youthsportspsychology.com/youth_sports_psychology_blog/?p=621

Fight Bullying in Sports by Patrick Cohn, Ph.D. and Lisa Cohn

Bullying is an epidemic in our society today. It's especially
rampant in sports.

A recent survey of high school students across the U.S. found
that 48% of respondents had been subjected to hazing--a form of
bullying in which kids are humiliated or required to take part
in dangerous activities. Much of this hazing happens in sports,
the study found.

Young athletes are bullied by adults as well as peers. Youth
coaches often yell at, tease, humiliate and intimidate kids.

Bullying is a sure-fire way to hurt young athletes' confidence
and enjoyment of sports. In fact, many kids who are bullied drop
out.

Parents have told us they don't know what to do to help their
kids cope with bullies--or how to prevent them from quitting
when they're targets.

Paul Coughlin, a sports dad and coach, says his son quit playing
soccer because two of the kids on the team picked on his son
repeatedly. "They made fun of his hair and what he was wearing,"
he says.

In this case, the bullies were physically advanced, and used
that power to put other kids down, he says. "It was awful for us
as parents. We felt powerless," says Coughlin, now an
anti-bullying advocate.

Not only are the less physically advanced athletes targets of
bullies. So are gifted athletes. Bullies try to hurt gifted
athletes because they're jealous.

Kirsten, a sports mom, says a group of jealous boys tried to
beat up her son. They also stole his belongings, damaged his
belongings, and described sexual acts to him.

Kids, parents and coaches should not tolerate bullies. But
dealing with them is tricky. That's because kids are afraid and
embarrassed to talk about being bullied.

What's more, bullies are crafty and it's hard to catch them. And
schools, sports teams and other organizations often turn a blind
eye to bullies.

Here at the Ultimate Sports Parent, we're developing a series of
resources to show parents and coaches how to help kids stay
mentally tough in the face of bullies.

We're also working on resources specifically for young athletes,
aimed at helping them stay mentally tough in the likely event
that they'll deal with this challenge at some point in sports.

We'll reveal more details of our new program later, but our aim
is to provide practical, proven sports psychology tips for
helping kids stay confident, focused and on track when bullies
target them.

Right now, we need your help!

Do you have any stories to share with us about bullying? You
might discuss the following:

*Have your kids or any of their friends ever been the target of
bullies—peers or coaches--in sports?

*How did this treatment affect the young athletes?

*How did you as parents and your kids' coaches address this?

*Were your efforts successful in putting an end to the bullying?

We'd appreciate it if you post your comments on our blog here:

http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/youth_sports_psychology_blog/?p=621

If you'd rather, you can also reply to this email with your
story.

Thanks for your input. Stay tuned for more bullying resources
very soon.


Sincerely,

Patrick Cohn, Ph.D. and Lisa Cohn


P.S. One last question: Do you suspect or worry your young
athlete may be bullied in sports, but feel he or she is too
embarrassed to tell you? Please post your comments on our blog
or return this email!

http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/youth_sports_psychology_blog/?p=621